Maybe you're looking for God in the wrong place.
He tell you in John 13:35 By this all will know that you are my disciples—if you have love among yourselves. He also warning you in matthew 15:8 ‘This people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far removed from me. 9 It is in vain that they keep worshipping me, for they teach commands of men as doctrines.’”
He also tells you what going to happen to all the falsa worshipper. Matthew 7:19 Every tree not producing fine fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Really, then, by their fruits you will recognize those men. 21 “Not everyone saying to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter into the Kingdom of the heavens, but only the one doing the will of my Father who is in the heavens will.
So read the bible ' He word' and ask him to give his power (his holy spirit) to understand. Then when you understand ask Him to teach to how to apply it to your life.
So you see it's not whether, you go to church not you need to do what Matthew 22:37He said to him: “‘You must love Jehovah your God with your whole heart and with your whole soul and with your whole mind.’ And if you love God you will do what John 14: 15 “If you love me, you will observe my commandments. 16 And I will ask the Father and he will give you another helper to be with you forever,
Don,t feel bad if you don't understand what He tell you that is why we (humans) need the helper.